Alcoholic Pride Parade.
Would you believe it is a thing?
Carol Hughes from the City Council of the Averse, New York explains why their town will be hosting the parade set to commence next month.
“We realized that to be true to our word to be inclusive, it would only be fair to celebrate alcoholism. Too often drunk people feel discriminated against.
“We at Averse wanted to send the alcoholics of our town, our state, even our nation a message. That is, that we will not judge you for your chosen lifestyle. You are always welcome in our community.”
The idea to stage an Alcoholic Pride Parade came about thanks to the work of the Daft brothers. Blake, 51, and Vlad, 48, petitioned their town’s council for four years straight.
A councilman who preferred to remain nameless confirms the brothers began in 2011 requesting a day to celebrate what some consider a disordered appetite. Over the years, however, their persistence became a bit more aggressive. The councilman says rather than resist the urge and a possible lawsuit, they decided to give in to the demands, in the name of inclusiveness.
The city council has secured the permits for the parade free of charge. The city council was quick to point out that no parade participants driving or riding I floats would be permitted to drink alcohol.
Blake Daft, the Alcoholic Pride Parade co-founder had this to say:
“What a victory for progress, huh? I mean, at last, we drunkards don’t have to be forced to live in the shadows. Many of us didn’t choose our lifestyle, okay? And for the local government to sponsor a day to celebrate our desire to have a good time, that’s sensational!”
His brother, Vlad, adds also, “It took a few years, but we are grateful for this opportunity. It is a chance to show the world.
“I cannot wait to have the city streets of Averse filled with supporters. We have lined up a half dozen or so corporate sponsors already. We have enough time left still that I am confident we’ll land a few more prominent businesses.”
No official word yet if any local or national breweries are planning to sponsor the Alcoholic Pride Parade.
According to Vlad Daft, a pair of current NBA players and a retired WWE wrestler will be making an appearance in the parade. As well, he and his brother have secured a late night television show host and a Hollywood actress to ride together in one of the first vehicles in the pride parade. They won’t name names yet, however, they say.
Vlad Daft continues, “In fact, I have been contacted by local news stations, radio hosts, and the like. CNN and MSNBC plan to send a reporter to interview us the day of the parade. I am sure more news agencies will be coming too.
“That’s the best part! Letting the world see this for themselves.
“It shows the nature of Averse. Of our state. Of our nation. Finally, recognition for an underappreciated group of people.”
But not everyone is thrilled with the City Council’s unanimous 9-0 vote to sponsor the nation’s first ever Alcoholic Pride Parade.
“Is this town really going to sponsor this?” Betty Sharp, a resident of Averse for six years asks aloud. “How can we do this? Celebrating a destructive lifestyle?”
Sharp says she feels like the proverbial lone voice crying out in the wilderness. She is circulating a petition around town to try to get the city to reverse its decision. So far she says she has 33 signatures.
A Catholic organization from a nearby metropolitan area has already scheduled a counter-protest. Sharp says she is a Baptist, but she welcomes any support she can get to resist what she calls a “black eye” on the community.
The parade will be held October 31st. The above-unnamed councilman explains the timing of the parade works out well:
“It seemed fitting. That day is so festive for our town as it is. We figure this way, the parade will be concluded in time for the children to change into their Halloween costumes to go trick-or-treating later that night”
For those interested in attending, the parade starts at noon local time at the corner of Main Street and Green Street. The city says the festivities are estimated to last three hours.
The parade route will run counter-clockwise through downtown Averse. After the parade there will be live rock music, an apple dunking contest, and several concession stands to patronage.
No word yet if the Daft brothers and their planning committee have convinced their diocesan archbishop to be the grand master.
See where I am going with this?
Can you believe this?
Does this remind you of anything?
(And you do realize this is parody, don’t you?)