You have heard the analogy before. You wouldn’t buy a car without first taking it for a test drive, would you? Then how could you commit to marriage without starting it off as a cohabitating relationship?
For you traditional marriage supporters, how do you respond?
The cohabitation rate seems to be at an all-time high. Nearly half of all women (48%) cohabitate, according to the Center for Disease Control. Only 23% of American women opt to get married, before sharing a roof with their husband.
What can we do to help people see the truth that cohabitation works against their ultimate goal of finding true love and happiness?
Let’s start by responding to the test drive analogy.
LIFELONG COMMITMENT A REQUIREMENT FOR VALID MARRIAGE
One of the requirements to validate a marriage in the Catholic Church involves commitment. The bride and groom must each bind themselves to the other for as long as they both shall live. So long as they are both alive, the two of them remain married. Period.
This is one of the markers marriage tribunals evaluate when deciding annulments for Catholics.
If one or both parties, on their wedding day, did not intend to be married until one or the other dies, then the marriage is not a sacramental marriage. The annulment can be granted, on that alone.
So, if the groom stood at the altar, promising his fidelity until death do them part, he better mean it. If, in the back of his mind he planned to give it two years to see how it goes, then that’s not a valid marriage.
Sure, the celebrant (often a priest), the best man, the bridesmaids, those witnessing the wedding, even the bride herself, all may be oblivious. The bride and groom can sign their marriage certificate and be legally married. But, in that instance, God would never supply the grace to make it a true, sacramental marriage.
But the sexual act amongst a cohabitating couple gets cheapened. Their bodies tell each other they are committed. But their hearts and minds have put up barriers.
They are living a lie. Subconsciously, they know it—even if they can’t put it into words.
COHABITATION IS A MOCKERY OF MARRIAGE, NOT ITS TWIN
Thus, a true marriage requires a commitment to lifelong fidelity from both the bride and groom. Cohabitation, by definition, cannot satisfy that requirement.
The man and woman living together may share a bed, living space, food, and a bank account. But those superfluous things do not constitute a marriage. The couple lacks a shared vow.
Each member of the cohabitating relationship reserves the right to walk away from the other. Such a mentality undermines any sexual relationship.
The sexual act, by its very nature, screams the need for fidelity for a lifetime. Most especially this is true due to its procreative powers.
But the sexual act amongst a cohabitating couple gets cheapened. Their bodies tell each other they are committed. But their hearts and minds have put up barriers.
They are living a lie. Subconsciously, they know it—even if they can’t put it into words.
Undoubtedly, that is why cohabitating couples are three times as likely to be depressed as married couples.
The rate of domestic abuse among cohabitating couples is more than twice as high as married couples.
Nine in ten cohabitating couples split up, sooner or later. The average time a cohabitating couple lives together is only 22 months. Is 22 months a lifetime? No.
A TEST DRIVE?
The analogy of a test drive does not hold up to cohabitation.
Sure, you can learn if your potential spouse snores. You can learn if she has bad morning breath. You can learn if she can balance a budget. This is knowledge you will gain by cohabitating.
But you two won’t be married.
Likewise, you can take that shiny new car out for a spin. But driving a car and owning the car are different matters altogether.
The salesman shows you all the benefits to owning the car and driving the car. But ownership of a car includes paying for insurance, gasoline, maintenance, and repairs.
Cohabitation lets you get out anytime you decide those non-sexy components of living together are too overwhelming. And since you preserve your means of escape, you’re mocking marriage, not simulating it.
YOUR TURN
How would you respond to the proponents of a cohabitating relationship, if they raised the test drive analogy to you?
What are other ways we can explain to others why cohabitation is not in its participants’ best interest?
Please comment on these questions or add your own thoughts below!
