Is your husband addicted to porn?
If so, did you ever think there could be a link to the use of birth control within your marriage?
If you use or support the use of birth control, then on what grounds do you oppose pornography usage?
Sure, using contraception may be something you and your spouse consent to, and perhaps you do not consent to your spouse viewing pornography. But why not?
If the conjugal act can have the procreative end separated from the unitive end, then what makes your spousal sex necessary, but the porn use not wanted?
Divorce attorneys have claimed for years now one of the top leading causes of marriages breaking apart is use of pornography. Most often, obviously, it is the wives objecting to their husbands’ usage.
USUALLY IT IS THE WIFE OBJECTING
But if these same couples are contracepting, then on what moral grounds does the wife have to say her husband should not be viewing that erotic garbage?
After all, by engaging in contraceptive sex with her husband, she has told him she consents to him using her for sexual pleasure.
In the end, the possibility of having children has been severely damaged thanks to the birth control pill or another form of contraception. Therefore, the sex within the marriage serves merely as physical pleasure for the spouses.
But if sex is merely for erotic play, then what prevents the husband from seeking sexual gratification from other women, especially through porn use online?
EXCLUSIVITY? PERMANENCE? SORRY, THOSE ARE INCOMPLETE ANSWERS
If the wife claims exclusivity and that he does not have the right to engage in sexual activities outside the confines of their marriage, she would be absolutely correct.
Any married person who views porn is guilty of the grave sin of adultery. Plain and simple.
But then that begs a question to the wife: Why?
Why should your husband be sexually excited by you alone? Or, in other words, for what reason should a marriage be permanent and exclusive?
It’s tempting to end my writing right there…
I imagine a common response with a husband addicted to porn would be something to this effect: my husband should not view porn because he made a vow on our wedding day to love me until the day he dies.
Yes, vows to that effect are made at weddings.
But that does not answer why exclusivity should be practiced by each married person. He made a promise, but he did not keep it. Why is that so bad?
After all, for a married couple to engage in contraceptive sex undermines their vow of exclusivity.
When a couple has contraceptive sex, it means they are using each other as sexual objects for the goal of gratification.
If sex and babies do not go together, then what makes the sexual act need to be exclusive? Why does it have to be between a husband and a wife? Why would it need to be excluded to being between a man and a woman? Why can’t any number of people engage in it, all at once, if it is merely for the purpose of being sexual pleasing?
THE ANSWER IS IN NATURAL LAW
The reason exclusivity and permanence must remain in place for a marriage lies in the natural law.
The conjugal act has an inherit ability to produce children.
Children who have rights. Children who need a mother and a father to have the best chance at life. Children who need to see stability in their parents’ marriage to best understand the meaning of love.
Because sex can result in children, the institution of marriage was formed around it to give children the means to be raised in a healthy, stable home and society. It works best for children and for society as a whole, when children are raised in a traditional marriage.
To engage in contraceptive sex, even among a married couple, means to ignore the primary purpose of sex (i.e., procreation).
From there, it is not far to fall to then view sexual activity as merely a means of immediate gratification. Thus, porn use commonly comes in to fill the void, when the marriage gets difficult.
IN CLOSING
For any wife with a husband addicted to porn, I am not passing blame in your direction. He should practice chastity, even within marriage, and practice self-control.
Obviously, not every porn addict spouse also uses contraception within their marriage either. But I am willing to wager that the majority do or have in the past.
In the effort to overcome these marital problems, visiting the Sacrament of Confession would be necessary, if Catholic.
It just seems to follow in my mind that maintaining a contraceptive mentality leads to the use of pornography.
The husband needs to cut out the porn use, that’s a given.
But the wife would do well to stop using the contraceptives, so that the intimacy both spouses crave could be found.
Both steps must be taken, if true marital fidelity will ever be achieved.
YOUR TURN
How would you approach the topic of porn use when contraception is used within a marriage?
What advice would you offer a couple struggling in these areas, especially with a husband addicted to porn?
Please share your thoughts below.
