St. Paul in his first epistle to the Corinthians speaks of a marital duty, or marital debt each husband and wife owe to each other.
Quite often, at least in my experience, broaching this topic causes a lot of consternation. Frequently, wives feel defensive about how often they allow their husbands to have sex with them. But the command in 1 Corinthians extends further than just that.
As we will see, husbands have a marital duty to their wives, as well. As we will discuss, modern-day Catholic husbands will withhold their marital duty at times too. This is a struggle frequented by Catholic (or Christian) couples where the husband wants to practice Natural Family Planning (NFP) so as to avoid a child, but the wife does not.
THE PASSAGE IN QUESTION
Let me quote the Douay Rheims version of the Bible for 1 Corinthians 7:2-5:
“But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. /
Let the husband render the debt to his wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband. /
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body, but the wife. /
Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency.”
IMMEDIATE OBSERVATIONS
Notice that this passage speaks to married couples.
Notice too St. Paul first identifies a problem married couples face: “fear of fornication.” What does he mean by this term?
The New Revised Standard Version: Catholic Edition (NRSV:CE) translates it “the temptation to immorality.” This is a reference to concupiscence. That is, an attraction every human being experiences toward sin. It is a product of the fallen nature of our human race.
In this particular case, St. Paul has identified lustful desires and acts of fornication as temptations both sexes face.
Holy Writ prescribes a solution to avoid falling into sexual sin, given these temptations: Holy Matrimony. Look how marriage is recommend to help both the husband and the wife. Not one or the other, but both.
THE MARITAL DUTY MUST BE PAID, PER GOD’S INSPIRED WORD
Marriage alone does not cure concupiscence of the flesh. The Holy Scripture adds that husbands and wives owe something to one another, as part of their marital contract with each other.
The passage goes on to implore, “Let the husband render the debt to his wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband.”
Or, as the NRSV:CE puts it, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
The wife has a marital duty to her husband. In like manner, the husband possesses a marital duty to his wife.
Okay, but what exactly is this marital duty?
Namely, the marital duty remains to render to one’s spouse the conjugal act, to which they have a right to, anytime it is reasonably requested.
Or, as this Catholic dictionary defines it, “Sexual intercourse due by the husband to the wife and the wife to the husband, to which they have bound themselves by marital contract.”
So, yes, by command of God, each husband owes sexual intercourse to his wife and each wife to her husband. It is not moral to withhold it unreasonably, lest you be guilty of sin—possible even mortal sin.
In fact, two verses later, St. Paul exhorts, “Do not refuse one another” (as translated by the NSRV:CE).
The current Catechism concurs married couples have a marital duty to each other, and the sacramental grace of Holy Matrimony helps them to render it (#1638).
Take heed that the only time the normal course of action can be broken up is by mutual consent.
ANTICIPATING OBJECTIONS
I know objections may abound. But let me begin by referencing the very next verse from 1 Corinthians 7:
“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Here, power means rule or dominion.
Thus, by no less than God’s revelation to mankind, husbands have rule over their wives’ bodies and wives over their husbands’.
This fact alone ought to clear up quite a few objections. Being too tired or just not in the mood don’t seem to stand up against God’s command.
Catholic tradition has always held one of the purposes of Holy Matrimony remains to curb concupiscence, as discussed on this blog recently.
Here again we see each spouse has no right to unreasonably withhold the marital duty to their spouse, unless by mutual consent…
Which leads us to the one exception the inerrant Word of God does permit to this marital debt.
THE ONE EXCEPTION: MUTUAL CONSENT
The passage concludes, “Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency.”
Or as the NSRV:CE puts it, “Do not refuse one another except perhaps by agreement for a season…”
Let us make a couple quick observations. First, notice that the expectation and normal course of action is that the marital duty will be rendered.
Take heed that the only time the normal course of action can be broken up is by mutual consent.
This means that if one or both spouses does not want to go without the conjugal act, then they do not have to. The other spouse cannot morally withhold something justly owed to their own marriage partner.
A PRACTICAL APPLICATION NOT OFTEN DISCUSSED: THE UNWILLING NFP-PRACTICING SPOUSE
I have heard plenty of examples of married couples practicing NFP when one spouse does not wish to. Most often, this occurs when the husband is demanding they abstain during the fertile time of the menstrual cycle so as to avoid children.
The wife may very well wish to have more kids, but the husband refuses. Or, at the very least, the wife wants to remain open to life and allow for a blessing from God to grow their family. But the husband does not maintain the same level of generosity.
In these cases, as this passage in 1 Corinthians 7 illustrates, the husband is sinning.
Verse five says withholding the marital duty can be done only by mutual consent. If one spouse does not want her rights denied to her, then they cannot be withheld.
LEGITIMATE MARITAL DUTY DENIAL
That said, certain seasons do call for the withholding of the marital debt. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list, by any stretch. But some of those times include following the birth of a baby, to allow the mother to physically recover. As well, following infidelity by a spouse. Or such as if a spouse requests the marital duty rendered while in a state of drunkenness.
Again, other examples can be named. Likewise, legitimate mutual consent can be given. Times for this might be for legitimate practice of NFP due to serious conditions necessitating it—again, as mutually agreed upon.
IN CLOSING
By exploring 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 we can see that a wife must render the marital duty to her husband and the husband to his wife.
This is an allowance by condescension from God (v. 6). It is meant to serve as a remedy to concupiscence (v. 2).
Wives would do well to respect that men are wired differently than them. Thus, generally speaking, men are more tempted to fall for sins of the flesh, especially in areas of sexual immorality, as St. Paul listed. Out of charity to their husbands, their rendering their marital duty to their husband will help him to curb the men’s appetite for sensual goods.
And what wife would not want to help her husband to be more holy?
As well, husbands would do well to respect their wives’ natural desires to care for her own children. Her desire for children and more of them is a gift from God. Any husband who stands in the way of God’s blessing on his own family needs to do a lot of self-examination.
YOUR TURN
Okay, I opened a can of worms here. Anyone have a different take on 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 they care to share?
Or do the examples I give hit home?
Please leave your remarks below. Thanks!
