Ladies, can you imagine hating motherhood? Could you ever regret being a mom? My wife forwarded me an article published recently on MarieClare.com, titled “Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They’d Never Had Kids.” What a sad, yet telling headline. There are women out there who wish for a “do over” in life where they never had children?
I looked around and found a Facebook Group has existed since 2012 for women who wish they never had children. Redditt has its own discussion group for the same sect of women. The New York Times has an article dating back to June 2011 on the topic. An Internet search will give you innumerable articles on the topic about women who wish they never had children.
Is there an explanation to this phenomenon? What is a Catholic to think about this? Let me share a few thoughts.
1. THE CONTRACEPTIVE MENTALITY IS TO BLAME
C’mon, now, is it really all that surprising that so many women regret having children?
We live in a society that expects women to be both sexually active and purposefully avoiding having children by use of contraception. Women have been fed the lie for multiple generations now that the measure of their “success” in life can be lies only in dollars and cents. They are supposed to aspire to worldly aspirations of corporate success, while throwing off the supposed shackles inherit to motherhood.
Thus, for women who do seemingly “slip up” and have a child or two, jealousy seeps in for some. They look around at other women appearing to climb higher up the corporate ladder than them. Their newfound responsibility of motherhood seems to be a regretful circumstance in life.
After all, weren’t they supposed to be able to sleep around with no consequences? Isn’t sex just about physical pleasure? Isn’t marriage just a means to enhance mere feelings? Aren’t we adults, and the happiness we pursue the end all, be all? The lies are numerous.
For behold, the days are coming when they will say, ‘Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never gave suck!’
2. WE ARE GOING THE WAY OF THE REST OF THE WORLD
The birthrate within the USA has bottomed to its lowest point ever. Americans just do not value children and parenthood as much as generations prior. The contraceptive mentality runs deep through our society.
Yet, other cultures around the world have already experienced this debacle. For instance, the Japanese people will soon die out, if they continue to not have children. I have heard from eyewitnesses to Russian orphanages how hundreds of babies have been abandoned, left to die by their parents. Now those orphanages full of hundreds of babies are silent too. The babies don’t even bother to cry, because they know no one will come pick them up anyway. The Russian government has been trying to pay its citizens to have children, because they don’t want to go the way of Japan.
But that’s where the contraceptive mentality leads: to entire generations who don’t want to ensure a generation replaces them. That’s where America is heading. We have the majority of the people purposely avoiding children (by contraception). A subset of them pays someone to murder those who do come accidentally (by abortion). And then a different subset regrets that the children they have had never been born. How pathetic.
3. THIS IS A SIGN OF THE END TIMES
Okay, I know that sounds dramatic, but it does not negate the truthfulness of the statement. After all, it was Jesus Christ Himself who prophesied a time would come when society would regret parenthood:
“And there followed him a great multitude of the people, and of women who bewailed and lamented him.
But Jesus turning to them said, ‘Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children.
For behold, the days are coming when they will say, ‘Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never gave suck!’
Then they will begin to say to the mountains, ‘Fall on us;’ and to the hills, ‘Cover us.’
For if they do this when the wood is green, what will happen when it is dry?’” (Luke 23:27-31, emphasis added).
That day has arrived where we have women wishing they never had children.
And they don’t keep these thoughts to themselves. No, they discuss them openly in public. They get published by the LA Times. They write a book. They try to be funny about it. They become the subject of sociopolitical analysis.
4. GOD KNOWS BEST
The women who wish they never had children are, at a basic level, rejecting their human nature. They are refusing God’s will for them. They are questioning His benevolence by refusing His gifts. They deny His omnipotence, since they want to be in charge—after all, society says we all can control every aspect of our lives. And they are actively questioning His omniscience. Couldn’t He know how miserable this would make them? Doesn’t He know the height of their self-conceit?
That is why I think parenthood was precisely what God sent these women their way. He has given them each a tremendous, perhaps the most glaring, opportunity to learn to love. After all, what is love but the willing for the good of another person? And what is the measure of love except sacrifice?
Parenthood demands you place your needs behind those of your children. Parenthood requires you to grow in humility, learning that the world does not revolve around you. Parenthood becomes a crucible by which parents can burn away their selfishness in order to love as they ought to.
Whenever God sends a child to any set of parents, He really is doing them a favor. Yet, very few people in our society realize this or see children as a blessing. Still, God gives them each a chance to learn to love by giving them each child. He gifts them with an opportunity to emulate the Holy Family, and Holy Trinity, in the end. And the measure of our love for others will be a criteria for entry to Heaven (Rom 2:6, Rev 20:13).
Sadly, for women who wish they never had children, they just don’t recognize the gift God has given them. For these women the allurements from the world toward social recognition, material wealth, and the need to be in control are proving too tempting.
Thankfully, hope remains for them, as God will not permit anyone to suffer a temptation they cannot overcome (1 Cor 10:31). These women need prayers. They need repentance too.
YOUR TURN
What do you make of this growing group of women wishing they never had children?
Please leave your comments below.
