In my most-recent post, I discussed a memorable portion of my chastity talk to teenagers I no longer include.
Although I do mention statistical rates of sexually transmitted diseases, I no longer emphasize them.
I do not see my talk as needing to scare the youth. I want to excite them, give them the truth that true love can be experienced. I think that message will carry further than a long list of ‘thou shall not’s.
THE MORE-IMPACTFUL MESSAGE: DEFINING LOVE
To jump right into talking about the physical activity of sex seems fitting for a chastity talk. After all, you are there to talk to the kids about sex, right?
That may seem like the place to start, but I try to make it the place I end up instead.
Rather than give the teenagers a list of reasons NOT to engage in sex, I want to give them reasons TO HAVE sex… within the confines of marriage.
To begin, I take a giant step backwards and ask the teens to define love. Yes, please define love. I think this is an important and necessary exercise.
I have had several teenagers come shake my hand afterward, saying they really appreciate what I had to say. This is the best consolation I could receive. God willing, they will put it into practice.
If they are struggling, I remind them that they can claim to love ice cream, to love their dog, and to love their mother. Does love mean the same thing in each of these cases? No.
So what is authentic love?
After fielding a few suggestions of how to define it, I move us toward a working definition. I define love as wanting the best for the other person (selflessness). Or, more simply, it puts the needs of the other person ahead of my own.
In other words, love costs something. It is measured in sacrifice.
I contrast that to what they may think love is. Love is not using someone. Similarly, love is not selfish. And love includes no apathy.
We discuss that a bit, giving examples. Then, I ask them for the best example of love, given this definition. Since we are usually in a Catholic school setting, there is always a Crucifix hanging on the wall.
I hold that up for them and explain why Jesus, dying on the Cross, best exemplifies love. He gave Himself completely for us.
SO, WHERE DOES SEX FIT IN?
Only after establishing a recognition of the longing of each of our hearts to be loved, do I broach the topic of sex.
I show how having sex signifies with our bodies the desire of our hearts. Only by giving ourselves to another do we have the opportunity to experience loving intimacy.
Having sex has the potential to fulfill the properties of experiencing love, but only within the confines of marriage.
The couple’s bodies are engaging in the only act that has the potential to transmit new life. With such a powerful force at work, certain security measures should be built in.
The couple should have the assurance of commitment from their sexual partner. This is best conveyed within a marriage. A sexual encounter with any other person than one’s spouse misses this vital component.
If the assurance is missing, then there exists an insurmountable lack of commitment from both partners.
We all want to protect our hearts. Thus, promiscuous sexual partners, even subconsciously, preserve for themselves the ability to walk away. They build in barriers around their heart, by not marrying the person, or by using birth control. This shortchanges the conjugal act.
Engaging in the act with someone other than the person whom you are married to tells a lie with your body. Your body is sending a mixed message to both your partner and to yourself. Your body wants to be free of restraint in the conjugal act. But promiscuity and/or contraceptive sex is anything but freeing.
TYING IN STDs NEAR THE END
I cover a few other topics in my chastity talk to teenagers. Among them being the the problem with pornography, as well as a few examples of the brain chemistry at work during sexual arousal.
I also play a little game with the students toward the end of my presentation.
I write down a few things at random places on the chalk board, or whatever is handy nearby. I write down the possible consequences of a promiscuous or contraceptive lifestyle that the teenagers and I come up with.
This is where I bring up the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. I’ll write things like, “Unplanned pregnancy,” “Chance of Gonorrhea,” “Depression,” “Porn addiction,” “Risk of Genital Herpes,” etc.
Then I draw a bull’s eye in the middle of the board. I mark this one “Love.”
I ask a few students to take turns, from their seats, to toss the eraser to the board, trying to hit the bull’s eye.
An errant throw might strike, “Risk of HIV,” or “Depression” instead. I explain that if we live the promiscuous lifestyle, it becomes more difficult to obtain what we really desire, which is love.
After this demonstration, I usually have the kids fill out a short, anonymous survey to give feedback on what they just heard from me. While they are doing that, I field any questions they may have.
TEENS’ REACTIONS
The feedback I have received from this new chastity presentation has been tremendous.
I have had several teenagers come shake my hand afterward, saying they really appreciate what I had to say. This is the best consolation I could receive. God willing, they will put it into practice.
I am not naïve enough to think my chastity talk to teenagers makes a big impact on every last one of them. Some kids just are not prepared to assent to truth. God willing, their hearts will be open soon enough and someone else will lead them aright.
And there remain several teenagers who are doing an exemplary job of practicing chastity. To such teens I hope my words serve as encouragement to continue, like wind in their sails.
NEED A CHASTITY PRESENTATION TO YOUR GROUP?
Do you think a chastity talk to teenagers or young adults at your Church or in your area would be a great benefit? If so, please consider bringing me to your town to give a chastity talk to teenagers or two or more. If interested, please contact me here.
YOUR TURN
What do you think of my revised chastity presentation?
How does it compare to what you have seen be effective?
Do you have suggestions of what to tweak to make my chastity talk to teenaers more impactful?
Please share your thoughts below!
